Holiday songs unleashed

Subtitled: but I digress

I listen to holiday music (it’s hard if you’re in public to NOT listen to holiday music) and actually enjoy it, but sometimes there’s lyrics that I just need to comment on.  

Here Comes Santa Claus
Here Comes Santa Claus
Here comes Santa Claus
Right down Santa Claus Lane …

So let’s give thanks to the Lord above that Santa Claus comes tonight.

WTF??  Let’s take a moment to look at the God/Christmas relationship (according to Christian tradition).  God sends “His” (I said this was tradition I’m working on convincing my children (and myself to some extent) that if there’s an Omnipotent God – the being is not limited to a man — God is male, female, and other) only Son to Earth to save all mankind.  God knows that the kid is going to have to grow up poor in the Middle East (which is not how I’d want a kid to grow up) almost 2,000 years before the invention of indoor plumbing (let’s assume that God is all knowing and knows what will happen).  God knows (this is that all knowing God that I’m talking about) that eventually “His” only son will get hung out to dry for telling people to be nice to each other for a change. 

And after ALL that we’re supposed to give THANKS for some fat guy in a red suit coming with inflatable penguins??? YEAH that makes sense.

I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
I did! I did! I really did see mommy kissing santa claus
You gotta believe me! you just gotta believe me!
Come on, fellas, believe me! you just gotta believe me!

Was Michael Jackson ever that young? Or that normal?? Or do all his problems stem from seeing his mom kiss the inflatable penguin delivery guy.

Grown Up Christmas List
No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
Every MAN would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end.

Okay — FIRST this song was written in the 1990s!!! In the 1990s, not the 1890s. You’d think that the original lyrics could have been (as many remakes of this song have) everyONE would have a friend instead of everyMAN would have a friend. You’d think.

And isn’t this request being misdirected? I mean really Santa’s speciality used to be wooden toys and now it’s giant inflatable penguins.

Winter Wonderland
In the meadow we can build a snowman
And pretend that he’s a CIRCUS CLOWN

That song has some hundreds of versions – and most of them repeat the first verse (the Parson Brown verse) a few times — and most people seem to forget all about the poor circus clown. What’s wrong with the circus clown I ask you.

And speaking of versions, there are 150+ versions of White Christmas. And I really don’t care who records this — you’re not going to ever get better than Bing Crosby — so just don’t even try.

Adn, speaking of Christmas colors, I can’t listen to Blue Christmas and keep a dry eye. To me it doesn’t speak of some lost love that’s far away — but of loved ones that are no longer here.

And now, to truly $um it up for Chri$tma$

Green Chri$tma$ Stan Freberg
Deck the halls with advertising,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
‘Tis the time for merchandising,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Profit never needs a reason,
Fa la la la la la la la la.
Get the money, it’s the season,
Fa la la la la la la la la.

Remember Christmas has two Ss in it, and they’re both dollar $ign$.


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