A bit over a year ago for all basic intents I gave up TV. Occasionally I’ll watch something with Spouse, Princess, or Chip and once in a while I’ll get a Netflix video out (and take two months to actually watch the thing), but generally I don’t catch much TV. Yet somehow, even without my vigilance, Anna Nicole Smith managed to have a funeral. Whodathunkit.
Now I pretty much catch all my news from the Internet. In a way it’s a bit of a pain and I miss the comic page but I survive. In a way it’s kind of nice too – if something doesn’t interest me I can look at the next story, if something does interest me I can look up more about it, and there’s no wasted paper.
This brings me to the subject of adultery, specifically *me* cheating on Spouse (it follows — trust me you’ll find out later). Now, over the years (coming up on 14) I have joked, teased, wisecracked, I’ve flirted, and there are some “hot young studs” that I regularly hug (and sometimes tease and/or flirt with). There’s even a couple of specific fellows that I will drool if I start thinking of their powerful hands (on my shoulders). I am lucky enough to know a couple of the best shoulder rubbers in the universe. Oh and then there’s the default fantasy guy, Sven. Sven is a figment of the combined imaginations of my mom’s group. Sven gives terrific massages don’t you know.
Now, I know some folks in open marriages – and I’m sure that’s okay for some but it wouldn’t work for us for a few reasons.
Probably, the most predominant is that’s not the deal we went in with — I guess we’re too “vanilla.” But, of course, being somewhat of a comedian I’ve had to come up with some other reasons.
One of my favorites is that I’ve got a lot going on, I’ve got a pretty full schedule with my family, my work, friends, I figure the only way I’d have TIME to fool around would be to cut into my sleep. I ain’t cutting into my sleep.
Then one of my staff points out that the overall effects of both sex and sleep are pretty similar so that’s not a good enough reason. (We talk about all sorts of things at the tax office — after all taxes are pretty boring — gotta have something to amuse ourselves).
TODAY though I found out something that is a deal breaker. There are certain places I’d like to go in my life (I’d love to visit Alaska, Paris, and there’s this beach I need to go to with my friend, JK), and there are certain other places I’d like to avoid.
with people breaking out into song. I have a hunch it’s more like THIS
Now, the Illinois legal code is complex. There is a group of people trying to change that, called Clear Initiative (Criminal Law Edit, Alignment and Reform). This is all well and good (generally speaking), I’m sure that things could be simplified and clarified.
However, in their infinite wisdom and in order to help gain public approval they are planning on keeping some old laws on the books. Here’s a quote from today’s Chicago Tribune …
But dodging the political landmines wasn’t easy. The commission decided, for example, to retain state laws that criminalize adultery and fornication rather than risk opposition from social conservatives.
That’s right — ravamping the state laws but STILL it will be a CRIME to commit adultery or fornication.
What year is this anyway??????
Oh well, I suppose I can’t fool around on Spouse — think of it — he won’t have to divorce me, he can have me locked up.
I guess I’ll just have to wait and find my hot young stud when JK and I go to that beach (which is NOT in Illinois).
(Of course, if I could get jail time with a cellmate that looked like this ….)
I’m just sayin’